Before The Proposal: Do You Ask For Her Parents' Blessing?

So, you've finally found 'the one.' She is the love of your life, and you have the perfect engagement ring as well. Are you ready to propose? Not so fast. Purchasing the right ring is not the only step you'll need to take.

While the tradition of asking a woman's father for her hand in marriage has been slowly disappearing from our society, it is still an important tradition for many families. In today's culture, with its diverse family situations, it is appropriate to ask both parents to bless your plans to propose. This shows respect for your future bride's parents and creates a unique bond between you and them.

Tips For Asking Her Father For Her Hand In Marriage

While asking for her hand in marriage is a rite of passage you should not avoid, it is no easy task. Any man in your position might tend to be nervous. The following tips can reduce your stress and help you enjoy the experience.

Talk to Her- Before you decide to visit her parents, set your girlfriend down and talk to her about marriage. See if she even wants to be married. She may not be ready for such a big commitment yet.Meet Him Prior to Asking- If you can, meet her parents several times before you ask for her hand. If you get to know them and develop a relationship, it will be easier and less stressful when you discuss the possibility of marriage.Sit Down With Them Alone-There are a few options for the setting of this important conversation. You can take your future in-laws for coffee or dinner. Talking about this subject over a meal can make it much more comfortable. You can also speak to them at their home. If they live far away, consider asking them on a planned trip home, such as when you visit during Christmas. If there is no other option, you can speak to them on the phone as well.Begin By Expressing How You Feel- Start the conversation by expressing your feelings about their daughter. Let them know how much you love her and how much she means to you. Be specific about what qualities you love and how you wish to take care of her.Talk About the Commitment- Explain that you want to marry their daughter. Let them know you understand what kind of commitment it is, and let them know you are serious about it. If you have already purchased her engagement ring, this would be a good time to bring it out.Promise To Always Take Care Of Her-Her parents have always been there for her. Since she was a baby in their arms, they have wanted the best for her. Assure them you will always take care of her, honour her, respect her, and love her.Ask For Their Blessing-At the end of the conversation, respectfully ask for their permission and blessing.

Asking for her hand in marriage is an important tradition you should always consider before you present her with an engagement ring. With these tips, this special event will be less stressful and much easier to do.

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Making Sure to Do Your Homework Before Proposing Marriage

Assignment 1: Although part of the thrill of the marriage proposal is surprising the one you love, as well as the suspense of waiting to hear whether you'll receive the "yes" you're hoping for in response, consider whether or not you may need to first get a better feel for whether marriage is something that you and your beloved are mutually interested in and ready for. Asking outright what the other party's thoughts are is one option, but again, it is an option that might put a damper on the surprise element you want to achieve if you're planning to pop the question especially soon. At the very least, however, before planning to propose marriage, you must seriously consider whether or not the path of your relationship together - or anything in the history of your exchanges with one another - has suggested that you both wish to spend the rest of your lives together.

Assignment 2: Go ahead and come bearing the ring - it is a vital part of what makes the moment memorable and special for a woman. Do your homework - snooping through her things is okay, just this once. Based on the usual accessorizing choices she makes, is it fair to assume she'd prefer gold, white gold, or platinum? Solitaire diamond or a three-stone ring? Round, emerald, or princess cut? Bezel, flushed, or tension settings? And remember that presentation is everything - make sure that the chosen ring is as ready for the big day as you are by having it cleaned and ready to glisten when you extend it to your bride-to-be.

Assignment 3: One tradition you don't want to forgo in making sure that everything is perfect for your marriage proposal is that of courteously and respectfully seeking her father's permission before you pop the question. Though the days of bride prices and dowries are long behind us, this demonstration of respect will mean a lot to her family and will set the tone for your relationship in the future. Be earnest about your feelings and your intentions, as the moment you receive her father's blessing is symbolic of him acknowledging that he will be entrusting her to you and deems you worthy of one of the most amazing gifts he has to offer, agreeing to officially hand her over during your wedding ceremony for you to have and to hold thenceforth.

It is important for you to take this seriously and present yourself as the man you want him to respect you as in order to grant you such a blessing and such a gift. Also be sure to do your research and be mindful of any cultural differences or expectations you may need to be aware of when it comes to your beloved's family. Etiquette can vary from culture to culture, and you'll want to do your best to fulfill any expectations her family may have of you in order to avoid any hurt feelings, disappointment, or conflict that could create glitches this early in the stages of building a life together with your bride-to-be.

Original article

What You Should Know Before You Get Engaged

Couples that are in the dating stage need to do more than just have fun, they need to learn about their partner. It takes time and effort to do that effectively. It is a mistake to wait to do that until you are engaged. It also requires some targeted work as well. It isn't something to do randomly. There are certain things you should know ahead of time to help you make the decision whether you want to marry this person. At the same time, it isn't as much about finding the right person as it is being the right person. So make sure you approach this with the right attitude. If you are just looking for reasons to eliminate candidates, you'll always find those reasons.

How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

What is the depth of your knowledge of your partner? How long have you known your partner before marriage? There is a relationship between these factors and how satisfied you will be in marriage. The deeper and longer you know someone before marriage, the better chance you'll be satisfied in marriage. I would say there are limits to the length of time that will provide benefits. One to two years is a good guideline. This is because you will understand your partner better and understand your couple strengths and weaknesses over that period of time with the depth at which you have explored.

Ask lots of questions. Ask questions that are hard to answer, and answer them yourself. You can ask these questions now, or discover the answers later. If you don't like the answer later, you may put yourself in a difficult position. If you learn the answers now, you have the choice to accept that answer or not. There are a number of question books on the market for couples and they all are useful. The more questions you can ask, the better chance you leave no stone unturned and the less likely you'll get a surprise after marriage.

Don't ignore red flags when you get them. Realize at the same time that there is no perfect mate. There will be a degree of compromise. So you have to decide what you can live with. Don't fall into the trap of thinking they will change later, or that they have a lot of potential. Don't be a reformer. The question is also whether you will fit the other person's criteria. Look for consistency in their answers over time. Interact with friends and family and make note of red flags that come up. Find out how the other person handles pressure. Build a real friendship, pray together, have similar interests and values. Know the other person's faults and know that you can accept them. Right up to the last minute before the wedding, be willing to call it off if you know deep inside that something isn't right. Get premarital counseling to bring things to the surface that otherwise wouldn't come out. Make sure it is quality counseling. Don't assume anything.

Know That You Are Certain

If you are having mixed feelings about getting engaged, then don't do it. Getting engaged is a serious step. Dating is one thing, but signing up for a lifetime is another. It is normal to have cold feet, but know the difference between that and ignoring the signs that you are basically unsure. Don't feel pressured.

Identify the nonnegotiables beforehand. Don't get involved with someone who abuses you. Don't get involved with someone who is controlled by their parents. Don't think that your marriage will fix problems that currently exist. Get those things fixed before you get engaged. Don't get engaged if you can't talk about your feelings and your needs. It won't get easier. The wedding lasts one day, but the marriage is for life.

If you can't resolve your disagreements completely before you are married, it won't get better after you are married. Living together before marriage will hurt your chances of success. Don't marry a person who treats you like a child. If your partner acts interested in your interests and activities but doesn't like you spending time on them, this won't get better later. Don't marry for sex, you also need social, spiritual, intellectual, recreational and emotional intimacy too. Can you spend a whole day just hanging out with your partner? If not, that spells trouble. Have either of you not resolved a previous relationship and recovered from it? Does your partner suffer from an addiction? That won't change. The ways you are opposite that are cute now will be a pain in the neck later. And this just names a few things to look for.

Only you can decide, but be sure.

Jim Anderson is a worship leader in South Orange County, California, and is a member of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest California. He holds both a Bachelor of Business Administration in Finance and a Masters of Religious Studies. Rev. Jim also owns a financial services business and performs premarital counseling as well as customized weddings. If you or someone you know is getting married, be sure to check out his website http://www.weddingsthatlast.com/

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