We all want to find someone special, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Which is a nice Hollywood type dream to have, and people do achieve it, unfortunately a lot don't and they end up adding to the divorce statistics. When you get married you should know everything that there is to know about your fiance, they likes, dislikes, wants and needs, what makes them tick, you know the thing, you know the thing after all if you are unable to understand them then living with them is not going to be easy. You have to be each others best friend. And when you marry each other it is because it is what you both want, and there is no-one that you would rather share your life with. Okay that's the theory, now why are you getting married?
Are you lonely, is everyone you know married or getting married and you feel left out, is your biological clock ticking and you have to find someone if you ever hope to have children...is that why you are getting married? Just because you are lonely or feel left out, it doesn't mean that you have to grab hold of the first fiancé that you can grab hold of. You need to be compatible with each other, you need to have some kind of common ground or shared interests. Marrying someone who is not right for you will lead to a miserable relationship and another addition to the divorce statistics. Marrying because you want your own child is a big gamble. A child needs a loving, secure, happy family in which they can grow and develop. If you and your husband are not right for each other have you thought about what the effect on your child will be? So take your time and wait till you can find the right person, no matter how long it takes.
Is it a wedding that you are after or a marriage? Before you get married you both need to make sure that you have similar ideas as to how the marriage will function and how it will develop. Where you'll live, who pays what bills, when you'll have a family, that sort of thing. If your visions of the marriage are to far apart from each other, then you could struggle to make your marriage work, as it is a recipe for conflict and resentment.
For a marriage to work and to stand the test of time you need to be compatible with each other. This usually happens best if you have common interests or beliefs, something that you can share. You cannot build a marriage based on looks or infatuation, a marriage is much deeper than that. Opposites might attract, and some relationships might work, but on the whole they are the ones most likely to find themselves attracted to the divorce court.
Each of you is going to have your own wants and needs for the marriage, these may be similar to those you had in the relationship, or they might have changed. You have to be able to communicate these to each other so that you spouse is able to fulfil them. If you cannot communicate what you need, or if you are unable to talk about the marriage and the future, then I would have to ask, why are you getting married? If you don't know what yours or your partners needs and expectations are, how can you know if they can be met?
If you love someone then you have to accept the whole package! There might be things that you can tweak, but a persons good and bad points are what makes them who they are, if you change them to much then you not only lose their individuality, but you lose the person that you fell in love with. If your partner is making to many demands of you, if you are being forced to make decision that affect friends, family and career, then it is not worth it. You had your own life before you came into this relationship, and you cannot be expected to give it up just because you are getting married. You need your own life and space so that you can develop as a person otherwise you will stagnate.
If you are carrying around unresolved issues from previous relationships or marriages, then it is vital that you deal with them before you marry again. If you start married life carrying baggage then it will colour your perceptions of your relationship and in how you interact with your spouse, it could poison your marriage, and you could lose a chance for happiness.
If your reasons for getting married are to improve things between you, then don't do it. If you also seem to be arguing, if your fiance doesn't treat you properly, if you are being abused, getting married will not make things better, it will make them worse! Before you got married it would have been easy to leave, now your are effectively trapped with each other, and in situations like that, behaviour that was bad before can get much worse. Getting married does not change who people are!
When looking for a potential mate there are people who will try to be something that they are not, just to impress. Now this might be down to insecurity or something else, but if they remain in their alter-ego whilst dating, whilst engaged, then they are going to have to maintain it when married, and that won't be easy. If your alter-ego is significantly different from who you are then when your deception comes out, your spouse will find themselves married to a stranger.
If you have any doubts you need to talk about them before the wedding. It might be just pre-wedding nerves or it might signify something more significant. When you get married you have to be absolutely certain that this is the right move for both of you, and that both of you want to make it. Once you get engaged you are on a final countdown to the ultimate in commitment. If you have something to say then don't worry about hurting your fiance's feelings, they might also be having exactly the same thoughts. If there are issues that you cannot resolve then it might be better to go your own ways or to remain happily unmarried. If you leave it until you are married before you start to talk things through then the only way out is divorce. So talk, work things through, and make sure that you are right for each other before you are stuck with each other.
Everyone wants to find someone special, some to give meaning and purpose to your life. Unfortunately things do not always work out and you are faced with situations that could wreck your relationship, and ruin something special. Okay, so it could be the natural end of your relationship, but if you want to try and save your relationship and get your life back on track then go to http://www.reviewthemagicofmakingup.com/.
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