When you're engaged, probably the last thing that thinking about are the topics that every engaged couple really should cover. Quite understandably your focus is on the wedding and that fact that you will spend the rest of your life with your fiancé. It's easy to forget that this is you final opportunity to make sure that everything is right between you and that neither of you have any significant concerns. A wedding is one day, your marriage will be for the rest of your life. This list of topics that I have is by no means exhaustive but it make a fair final checklist of the major issues.
Why are you getting married
If you are getting married it has to be for the right reason otherwise it will not work. You both have to want this because you love and care for each other, and there is no-one on this planet that you would rather share your lives with. You have to be committed to each other and the marriage. You need to be compatible and ideally have some shared interests, and additional something that can help you grow together. Wanting to get married because all your friends are, you are lonely, pregnant, or looking for financial security (to name but a few) are no good reasons.
You might hope that your fiancé is going to change for the better after you get married. If their behaviour shows a lack of respect to you now when you are engaged, then it won't change when you are married, if anything it will get worse.
Shared vision
Make sure that you both have similar ideas as to how your marriage should work and develop. If you both have different expectations that cannot be reconciled then you are in for a bumpy ride to the divorce court.
Are you jealous or an insecure person
Jealous people are typically insecure people, and jealousy can make your marriage a living nightmare. Getting married does not cure jealousy, in fact it probably makes it worse. If your fiancé suffers from jealousy then you need to help them come to terms with it, and deal with it, before you get married and not after.
Can you and do you communicate
I keep saying this, but without communication you have no connection, you have no relationship, and no marriage. You have to be able to talk about your feelings, emotions, fears, problems, hopes and dreams, your wants and needs, if you cannot do that then how can you help and support each other, how can you get to know each other? And just how do you expect to make your marriage to develop and grow if you cannot share your lives like this? In the U.S 67.5% of all divorces cited a breakdown in communication as the driving force behind their divorce. If you can't communicate then don't get married, the divorce attorneys have enough work to handle as it is.
And do you listen
It can be very difficult to really listen to someone. If we're criticized we go on the defensive and we can miss what's being said, otherwise our mind starts thinking about how to reply, and yet again we can miss what's being said. If your fiancé has something to say then you should want to know it, if it is something that is important to them then it is important to you. So focus on your fiancé and listen.
Are you carrying baggage
If you are carrying baggage from previous relationships or marriages, then you need to get closure on all of your issues before you get married! Talk to your fiancé about it to see if they can help. If you get married with the ghosts of pervious failures still haunting you then they poison your marriage, and you could lose out of the chance of happiness.
What about time together
When you have kids this will be even more difficult to find but you have to spend time together enjoying yourselves. Spending quality time together helps to strengthen your bond and to build a treasure-house of shared experiences. It can be something extravagant as a fancy vacation, or it can be as simple as going for a coffee, it doesn't matter what, just so long as you are enjoying your time together.
Your own space
You both have your own lives, your friends and interests, your own way of recharging your batteries. You need to be happy giving each other their own space. Spending time doing your own things is good for the marriage, it helps to develop you as a person, gives you fresh perspectives and ideas, and can give you plenty of gossip to talk about.
What about money
Are you both working or just one of you. Who pays what bills, do you have a joint account or a single account, do you work to a budget, are you managing debts, are you saving for a place of your own or the future. Money can be a seriously contentious issue, so make sure that you know who does what before you say, I do.
A family of your own
At some point it is likely that you will want to have children. You need to have an idea as to when and how many you would like. You also need to decide who stays at home to look after them. In these days of economic uncertainty it's probably best that the highest earning spouse carries on working, and if that's the mother, then could you manage that? Do you already have children maybe already living with you, or living with an ex, how are you going to manage that.
The dreaded In-Laws
Now your in-laws could be really nice people who don't try to interfere in your lives, and then again they might not. They are your fiancé's parents so at some point you are going to have to make contact with them. How much contact are you going to have with your in-laws, will it be once in a while, or will it be a case of, don't they have a home of their own to live in! While you will always be your parents children, you are now husband and wife in your own family unit and before your parents and even your children, your first loyalty is to your spouse.
How do you deal with conflict
Do you have lots of arguments where you shout and scream at each other, blame each other, drag up faults and past arguments, and generally behave like little children have a tantrum? Or, do you behave like adults, who recognizing that they have a problem talk it through and try to deal with it in a way that both of you are happy? If one of you does something that upsets the other do you take responsibility for your actions and apologize? Being human we are all prone to make mistakes, admittedly some are more serious than others, but are you able to forgive their human frailty and move on?
Can you accept
Being in love with someone means being able to accept them for who they are, the good and the bad. Are you able to accept your fiancé for who they are or do you feel compelled to change them into someone who they are not, destroy their individuality, and change them from the person that you fell in love with?
Do you tell them
Each and every day that you have been together have you been able to tell your fiancé how much you love and appreciate them?
There you have it, 14 topics that every engaged couple really should discuss before committing to each other. Your engagement is your final opportunity to make sure that you are compatible with each other. If you are not compatible then don't do it, it's not worth the pain and grief that you will go through, find someone who you can be truly happy with. If you are compatible then I sincerely hope that you live happily ever after.
Everyone wants to find someone special, some to give meaning and purpose to your life. Unfortunately things do not always work out and you are faced with situations that could wreck your relationship, and ruin something special. Okay, so it could be the natural end of your relationship, but if you want to try and save your relationship and get your life back on track then go to http://www.reviewthemagicofmakingup.com/.
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